


lay me gently in the cold, dark earth

by Singofsolace



Series: grief is a river you wade in until you get to the other side [1]
Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Confessions, F/F, Fix-It, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Rituals, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28557135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Singofsolace/pseuds/Singofsolace
Summary: Lilith lingers after the funeral to pay her respects. Zelda Spellman invites her inside.A fix-it fic to the Part Four finale, where Lilith and Zelda actually share their grief and support each other.
Relationships: Zelda Spellman/Lilith, Zelda Spellman/Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith
Series: grief is a river you wade in until you get to the other side [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2110443
Comments: 29
Kudos: 116





	lay me gently in the cold, dark earth

“Though there is no death for witches, may the maiden, mother, and crone, guardians of the crossroads guide both Sabrinas into the afterlife. For they are both daughters of Hecate—for they are both _our_ daughters.”

Lilith’s chest felt oddly tight as she listened to Zelda Spellman deliver the eulogy. There was a strange energy in the air—one Lilith was loathe to ponder for too long. As old and immortal as she was, her personal relationship with Death was more of an acquaintance-ship than anything else. It had always eluded her, even when she longed for it most.

It was curious, this feeling. Whatever it was. There wasn’t just a tightness, but an aching, too. Her chest _ached_ as she watched the crowd of young mourners follow Hilda Spellman into the mortuary for the repast, until Zelda Spellman stood alone between the two graves, looking for all the world like a woman whose entire life had just been buried in the ground.

Lilith wondered if she ought to leave. She was intruding as it was, though no one had yet to make her feel unwelcome. She’d devoted a year of her life to this girl, and however impure her intentions had been at the start, that reckless little girl had grown on her.

“Lilith?”

Zelda’s voice tore her from her thoughts. Lilith felt oddly exposed as the grieving woman approached. She felt she ought to transfer herself away—to leave the woman in peace to cope with this tragedy.

“Lilith, thank you for coming,” said Zelda, stopping a few feet away from the demoness, as if afraid to intrude on her space.

Lilith blinked twice, unsure how to react. Of all the things she expected Zelda to say, “thank you” was not one of them. Taking in Zelda’s pale, tired, grief-stricken face, guilt settled heavily in Lilith’s stomach. She shouldn’t be imposing on a private ceremony, not when the pain was still so fresh.

“I wasn’t sure you’d want me here,” Lilith said, her gaze drifting back to the freshly-dug graves. “But I felt… I felt the need to pay my respects.”

Zelda tilted her head, as if assessing the honesty of her words. “That’s… kind of you.”

“Is it?” Lilith said, more to herself than anyone else. “None of this would’ve happened if I’d just killed the Dark Lord the moment he suggested making Sabrina his queen.”

Zelda shivered, whether from the cold or from something else, Lilith couldn’t tell. The witch was wearing a black feathered coat, and while it was certainly made to _look_ warm, Lilith suspected it wasn’t actually protecting her against the bitter November breeze. Zelda's whole body was folded in on itself, like she was trying to curl into a ball while still on her feet; her shoulders were hunched, while her arms were crossed and tucked in close to her body, as if to preserve heat.

“I don’t want to keep you from your repast,” said Lilith, torn between the desire to leave and the inexplicable urge to stay.

Zelda waved a hand dismissively. “Hilda will handle the repast. If there’s one thing we Spellmans know how to do, it’s a funeral service and luncheon.”

“It’s not the same when it’s a child,” Lilith bit her lip—a nervous, unconscious habit she’d had since the Garden itself, “…when it’s _your_ child.”

These words seemed to break through Zelda’s stoic façade. Lilith almost apologized for them, as she watched Zelda unfold her arms to swipe a gloved hand at an errant tear.

“Yes. Well. Would you like to come in from the cold?” Zelda said, shivering again. “I can’t imagine Sabrina would want us to catch our death over her graves.”

Without waiting for Lilith to agree or disagree, Zelda turned on her heel and headed in the direction of the mortuary. Lilith spared one last glance to the twin headstones before following.

* * *

If Lilith had felt entirely out of place in the graveyard, she felt a million times more so inside the mortuary. She tried to keep to herself, which wasn’t terribly hard to do, seeing as most of the mourners were teenagers clearly unable to process the loss of a friend. She’d aimlessly wandered from room to room for a bit, before finding what looked to be an empty office where she could be alone while she tried to untangle the complicated web of feelings bearing down on her chest.

She ought to return to Hell. Her sovereignty was tenuous at best. But with no one brave enough left to challenge it, she figured she could spare an afternoon away.

Lilith waved a hand to light a fire in the hearth. The office was cold and drafty, much like the rest of the house. It was like Sabrina’s death had sucked the warmth from every room.

“Oh. There you are,” came a voice from the door. “Why does it feel like you’re always snooping around my house?”

Zelda Spellman closed the space between them before pressing a glass containing a double serving of whiskey into her hand.

Lilith stared at the offending object, unable to reconcile the fact that the last time they’d really spoken, she’d been moments away from committing suicide.

“I prefer wine,” Lilith said, just to say _something_ , before draining half the glass.

Zelda lifted an eyebrow. “I didn’t think you’d be particular.”

“I’m not,” Lilith said, shuddering has the alcohol burned her throat. “I’ll drink anything.”

Lilith was tempted to add, “even the blood of an angel,” but stopped herself. Just the thought of Lucifer’s blood inside of her made her vaguely ill.

Lilith was distracted by the way Zelda’s hands shook as she raised her own glass to her lips, followed by a long drag from her cigarette. The candlelight made dark shadows dance across the woman’s soft features. Lilith longed to find the right words to say, but her mind kept returning to the time Zelda had turned her away when she needed her most, and then only allowed her back into the Academy when she was being torn apart from the inside.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Lilith finished off the rest of her drink, before slamming the glass down with a bit too much force on the desk. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think anything I have to say would be useful on the day of your daughter’s funeral.”

Zelda’s eyes darkened. “If you have something to say, by all means, I could use a distraction.”

Lilith blew out a puff of air, trying to calm herself down before she spoke. “I admit I’m responsible for a lot of things that happened this year. I’m not looking for pity, and I’m certainly not looking for an apology, on today of all days. But—”

Lilith’s voice dropped off, unsure if this was really something she wanted to talk about.

“Go on,” said Zelda, finishing her own whiskey and slamming the glass down next to Lilith’s. “Let’s lay everything on the table. I’m finished with being lied to and deceived. I don’t want there to be any secrets or harbored feelings between us. Not anymore.”

“Alright, if that’s what you want.” Lilith’s smile was all teeth and thin lips and no humor. “I begged you for sanctuary, not so long ago, and you… you turned me away. Why?”

Zelda brought the cigarette to her lips again, as if to delay answering.

“I didn’t trust you. I still don’t, even after everything. _Especially_ after everything.”

Lilith inclined her head. “Then why did you change your mind and offer me hospitality when I was having a baby?”

Zelda turned away, walking towards the fireplace. She stood with her back to Lilith for some time before speaking. “You were in labor. I’m a talented midwife. I might not trust you, but I wasn’t about to have an innocent babe die for it.”

Lilith’s eyes flashed as she stalked over to the fireplace. She tried to push down the grief of having lost the child regardless, and settled on the anger thrumming through her veins. “Are you saying my life wasn’t worth saving, but the _baby’s_ was?”

“ _No_ ,” Zelda insisted, holding her hands up closer to the fireplace, as if to warm them. “No. That’s not what I’m saying at all.”

“Then, please, enlighten me.”

Zelda sighed before closing her eyes. “You manipulated my niece. _Groomed_ her. Shaped her in Lucifer’s image. Encouraged all of her stupid, reckless, dangerous ideas until she thought she was invincible. You made her trust you more than she did me, because you would say ‘yes’ where I would say ‘no,’ and it was always at the cost of her safety.”

When Zelda opened her eyes, Lilith’s breath caught in her throat. There was so much pain, grief, and anger swirling in those green irises.

“You took my niece away from me. You made her think that I couldn’t be relied upon to help her—that I couldn’t be _trusted_ —despite having raised her for sixteen years. But sixteen years of love and guidance didn’t matter when she had _you_ whispering in her ear, telling her what she wanted to hear. All of the secrets and lies… they all came back to you—not the Dark Lord. _You_.”

Lilith began to speak in her defense, but Zelda cut her off with a stern look and a raised hand. “After all of that, don’t tell me I wasn’t within my rights to turn you away from my coven, which was already in a precarious, vulnerable position.”

Here, Zelda shivered again, which momentarily distracted Lilith from all of the things she’d planned to say. Was the woman sick, or just unable to get warm?

“Now, I’m sorry for what happened to you, but don’t you _dare_ suggest for one moment that I should’ve trusted you back then. I’m so _sick_ of trusting the wrong people,” said Zelda, her voice strained. “I saved you and your baby, not just because the babe was innocent, but because I am bloody midwife, and that’s what midwives do. I'd never lost a babe in nearly 200 years of practicing. I wasn't about to start with yours.”

Lilith breathed out, trying to ease the tightness in her chest with deep breaths. “I’m sorry.”

Zelda seemed surprised by the apology. “Well... so am I.”

Lilith nodded. “In the end, I owe my life to you. Twice over.”

Zelda tilted her head, curious. “Twice?”

“I was going to kill myself, the day you found me kneeling in front of that statue.”

Zelda’s body jerked back, almost as if those words were a physical blow. “You… really?”

“What did you think I was doing?”

Zelda’s hands ghosted over her abdomen in a peculiar gesture, almost as if there was a pain there. “You said you were ‘atoning’—that you were haunted by the dead. I didn’t know what to believe that meant.”

“I killed him,” Lilith whispered, turning to stare into the fire. “I killed my baby.”

Zelda sucked in a sharp breath, “But… _why_?”

“All I’ve ever wanted was to be free,” said Lilith, losing herself as she watched the flames dance. “I realized the baby was being born into captivity. It was better off dead.”

For a long time, no one spoke. The two women just stood side by side, watching the fire.

Eventually, Zelda broke the silence. “I have memorial candles in the desk. Would you like to light one for him?”

Not trusting her voice, Lilith gave a sharp nod. She followed Zelda back over to the desk, and watched in solemn silence as Zelda prayed over the candle first before taking out a box of matches.

“Would you like to do the honors?”

Lilith felt slightly detached from her body as she took the matches in hand. This was a foreign ritual to her. “Am I supposed to say something before I do it?”

“If you like, but it’s entirely up to you. I have one lit in my bedroom for… for Sabrina.” Zelda swiped at her eyes with her sleeve, her voice growing hoarse with grief, but nevertheless, she soldiered on. “The candle is charmed to be everlasting. You don’t have to worry about it burning down or blowing out.”

“That’s some powerful elemental magic,” Lilith said, vaguely impressed as she contemplated what words to say.

Any words she thought of either seemed inadequate or not genuine enough. After all, she hadn’t wanted a child. Getting pregnant was a calculated move made for survival reasons, and then Caliban had tried to use the pregnancy to kill her. It felt like such a violation, to have her own body used against her. Adam had nearly torn her apart on his way into the world, and once he was there, she hardly knew what to do with him.

In the end, Lilith felt there really wasn’t anything to be said at all. She struck the match and lit the candle with the air of someone lighting a cigarette.

Lilith was surprised when Zelda reached to take her hand. She laced their fingers together as they stared at the candle in silence, taking comfort in each other’s presence.

Eventually, it all got to be a bit too much, the moment sharpening her senses to the point of pain, and Lilith squeezed Zelda’s hand to indicate she was done.

“I think I’ve intruded enough for one day. I’m sorry for your loss. Sabrina was…” Lilith’s voice caught in her throat, “…special.”

“Yes, she was,” Zelda agreed, the ghost of a smile flickering across her face. “Thank you for coming, Lilith. And please, take the candle with you.”

She did.

**Author's Note:**

> if you have a moment, please drop a line to let me know what you think.


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